whatever you’re expecting I promise it’s not what you’re expecting
THIS IS THE ONLY WOMAN WHO CAN STAND NEXT TO BEYONCE AND STILL BE THE MOST FABULOUS PERSON IN THE ROOM
I don’t give a damn about my reputation [LOUD GUITAR]
You’re living in the past it’s a new generation
[SHREK ATTACKS THE KNIGHTS AT LORD FARQUAD’S CASTLE]
A Mom went to have dinner with her son who lives with his roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how handsome his roommate was. She had been suspicious about her sons sexuality but being a good mother she felt that he would let her know if and when the time was right but seeing the two together just made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the interaction between the two she wondered even more if there was more here than meets the eye. Her son, sensing his mothers watchfully eye volunteered, “really Mom, I can tell what you’re thinking and you can just get it out of your mind, we are just roommates and nothing more”.
About a week later the roommate remarked, “ever since your mother was here the silver serving platter has been missing, do you think she took it?”
He responded, “Well I’m sure she didn’t but I will email her and ask just to be sure” he sat down and wrote:
I’m not saying you did take the silver platter from the house and I am not saying you didn’t take it but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
A couple days later he got a response from his mother:
I am not saying that you do sleep with your roommate and I am not saying that you don’t sleep with him and you know I love you and could care less either way but the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed he would have found the platter under his pillow.
When are the two of you coming for dinner?
Alpacas are so much fucking cuter then llamas.
YOU FORGOT THE FOLLOWING POINTS:
- LLAMAS HAVE BIG ASS TEETH TO RIP OUT YOUR FUCKING THROAT
- ALPACAS HAVE FUZZY LIPS TO NUZZLE YOU GENTLY TO SLEEP
- LLAMAS WILL CHARGE AFTER YOU IF THEY SMELL FOOD AND FEAR
- ALPACAS AMBLE ALONG LIKE THE WORLD IS MADE OF GUMDROPS
- LLAMAS ARE THE FUCKING DEVIL INCARNATE
- ALPACAS ARE NOT THE FUCKING DEVIL INCARNATE
This has been the most informative post I’ve seen on Tumblr.
“what the world eats” by cultural geographers peter menzel and faith d’aluisio, who document what people around the world eat in one week, here in order of expenditure.
it’s interesting how once you reach the developed world, the amount of food stays roughly the same, it’s just the cost that increases. i wonder how much of that is general regional cost-of-living and how much is a preference for convenience foods and expensive brands.
Whenever my friend says goodnight to me on Skype he sends me this gif
and I wanted to send it to him tonight so I went to Google “black man turning off lamp” but Google autofill changed it to “black man turning into jet” and I got this
Long story short it’s 1am and I’ve been laughing at this for approximately 20 years
they call me macklemore in math class because im like
what what what what what
what what what what what what what
what what what what